Manic Monday Rants

Michael Vick, don't drop the soap. Then again, please do. Maybe someone will butt fuck some sense into you.

Anthony Smith, start looking for movers cuz I don't think you'll be around much longer.

Donovan McNabb, see above.

Jason Kidd, do you just not like New Jersey?

Shaq, retire, please. You're embarrassing yourself.

Floyd Mayweather, Jr., great fight Saturday, now either retire for good or shut the fuck up.

Boston Celtics, yes, they are that good.

New England Patriots, no matter how good you're playing, your legacy is tainted, get used to it.

O.J., all that for a damn suit.

Mel B, no amount of Dancing or Spice is gonna make up for the fact that you're a ho.

Don Imus, I can say it, you can't.

Nas, N**** please.

Jessica Sierra, a white chick with a Spanish surname who has dated inter-racially, calls a black cop the N-word for NOT allowing her to perform fellatio on him. Jessica meet Nas, Nas meet Jessica.

Writers' Strike, get you asses back to work, I miss "Heroes"!

The Spice Girls, sold-out concerts? The end is truly near.

People looking for a Nintendo Wii, I bought mine in September so nan-nan-nan-nan-nan bitches!

Donovan, want some soup?

T.O. told you didn't he? He told your ass that being the house negro was going to last only so long. You could've gone to bat for him when he and his agent tried that dumbass ploy to re-negotiate his contract. But noooooooo, you didnt have anyting to say to him and worse, for him. Now the fool is in Dallas, DALLAS scoring 3-4 touchdowns a game on a team that is as of today, 11-1. What are the Eagles, oh that's right fucking 5-6. So, since T.O.'s not here anymore, you can't hide behind him as being the reason the team sucks this year. What's undeniable is that the City of Philadelphia wants you gone, your defenders have fallen by the wayside. Hell, after the Eagles/Patriots game last Sunday, a game the Eagles lost with A.J. Feeley as quarterback, NBC 10 had a poll that showed that 88% wanted him to named the starter for the team. 88 PERCENT! And this motherfucker LOST the game by throwing an interception! Granted it wasn't the same as the one you threw, playing the same damn team no less at Super Bowl XXXIX but it should tell you how much love Philly has for you these days.

Now, I could argue that the Philly is letting their inner Rush Limbaugh by demanding that a white quarterback be the starter and you be traded. Hell, you might be right, but wait didnt Philly have the same issues with Ron Jaworski and with a name like Jaworski, you know he's white. Wanna see true Philly anger, just say the words RICK KOTITE in, then run like hell. So all that nonsense about "Black-on-Black crime" well, sorry that doesn't apply to you anymore, not when actual black players like Sean Taylor getting killed by actual black men. You had your chance, when Rush Limbaugh dissed you on national television about the NFL's need for black quarterbacks to do well. You went mush-mouth at the mike, I still, to this day, don't have a clue what the hell you said. After that, you had to know that your ghetto pass was revoked. But you surprised us by getting us Terrell Owens but it must have made you sick to see how many people and teammates took to him. Hey, is that why you threw up at Super Bowl XXXIX? You know what? Nevermind.

But you see it now don't you? T.O. warned you. You see how the black running quarterback is taking the back seat of the bus, or prison if you're Michael Vick. You saw how many times Feeley went to the passing game, and not the running game. Wait, didn't Jeff Garcia do the same thing last year? Oh, that's right, he did and he's tearing it up in Tampa Bay this season. I mean how many times have we wanted, salivated for the moment when you went Kobe on the Eagles and demanded better players and better plays. Nope, you wanted to run and pass, run and pass. If you really looked hard enough, you'd see that the black quarterbacks were the only ones being asked of this.I do want you to know it's not personal, I was glad we got you instead Ricky "How High" Williams. I think its fucked up you got booed on draft day. I think its foul that your own family can't defend your name without making it seem like you a mama's boy. I think it sucks that the Eagles drafted Kevin Kolb and never warned you about it. Maybe, they did it to scare your ass into playing as if the Klan was behind you holding a noose. Who knows, but you can't cry racism now, not when you were warned years ago by a black man you considered a crazy field n***** . You signed the nice cushy contract, moved up to a deeeeeeluxe hi-rise in the skkkkyyyyyy (Actually, Moorestown but the same principle applies...), anyway, but see it now don't you? It's time for you to start considering going home to Chi-Town, where Rex Grossman, a quarterback with none of your talents is probably looking at the last years of his career. Think about it, what better way that to stick it to this hating ass Philly-ites than win the big one on another team? It's working for T.O. it worked for Corey Simon, Duce Staley and probably Donte Stallworth this year. Then again, if you leave and the Eagles win the Super Bowl behind Feeley or Kolb, well, I hear the Canadian League isn't too bad.